HOW DOES A MAN SORT THE BEST BEARD OIL FROM THE BAD?
If the average man on the Clapham omnibus wants to make inquiry as to which beard oil might be best for him, a number of options are available.
He could take hold of a bear by the neck, roar in its face, look deep into its eyes and pose it the question directly - without hesitation or fear.
He could amass a heaving harem of concubines and then have them lovingly curate him a collection of the world’s finest oils, to be applied at regularly timed intervals throughout the day and then graded according to the softness after they fondle his beard blindfolded.
He might use his insight, expertise and unconquerable strength to rise to the highest possible ranks in Her Majesty’s army and then without the slightest hint of trepidation order his troops to methodically procure and test a selection of various beard oils and document the outcome.
But even in this scenario, where would the said commander general source such a wide variety of facial hair products?
He surely would not have to time to travel to the four corners of the Earth to source and gather every single beard oil available to mankind.
There are 1000s of different oils available on the planet and any man who sets out to identify the best beard oil for his individual needs must sift through them, as if through an ocean of molasses.
Enter the man, they call Bobert Brush.
This eccentric individual has pledged his life to humanity, to gather and grade every single beard oil existing on the planet Earth!
Check out Bobert and his collection of top beard oils at The Beard Oil Pledge.
Bobert rigorously reviews every product that comes his way - which he considers as ‘specimens’ - in the same way as a butterfly collector might consider his butterflies. He sorts the best beard oils from the bad, by way of his unique Beard Oil Review Methodology.
Each oil is assessed on a variety of criteria, including lingerability, emanation, emotional response, greasiness, hair impact, skin impact and value.
If you want to go really in-depth, Bobert has put together a full market overview for each country, just like a financial report, which is truly amazing and shows how dedicated this man is to his pursuit.
As luck would have it, Bobert requested a bottle of our Original Beard Oil so he could take it through his rigorous review tasks, and see what he thought and as it turns out it did very well indeed with an impressive score of 92%!
Here is a short snippet from his review:
”As I ruminated on the incredible depth, I began to smell the rabbits, bears, squirrels and even busty maidens frolicking in my beard. I rapidly felled some trees and erected myself a log cabin with the resultant lumber in the blink of an eye. Such was my peppery, citrus aromatic undertone that I rested outside my new abode, leaning on my axe and inviting every passing young lady into my house to help me oil my tools.”
Check the full review out here